woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
