end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
