one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
