its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
