saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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