My nipple is on Facebook.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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