I smell stomach acid.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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