in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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