Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
