Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.