Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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