you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have aggressive nipples.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
