I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
