I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
