just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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