Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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