nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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