did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
