What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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