They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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