Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
