Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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