I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
