so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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