does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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