Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
