You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
