do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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