At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.