Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
