How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
