Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
