Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
