this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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