Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
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He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My feet surprised me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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