Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
