cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
