pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
