Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
