i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
