Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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