Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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