I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
