we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
