When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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