Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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