apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
