I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
