So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
