Screwed.edu
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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