Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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