if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
