he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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