That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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