hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
