Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
