omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
