this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
